- For Survivors
- Resource Center
- Make a Difference
- Summit 2020
“It wasn’t my fault, but it is now my responsibility. I take responsibility, with joy. Seeing myself and others clearly, allows me to truly love and serve others.”
In the first three Steps, we take responsibility for our own actions. In the background of that process was this idea: some things are my responsibility, but not everything is my responsibility. In Step 4, we learn more about distinguishing what is mine and what is someone else’s.
You could say that Step 4 is the pivot point of the whole program. In Step 4, we turn our attention away from ourselves and toward others. We develop the confidence to know that we have healed enough that we can give to others. The concept of boundaries helps us be discerning in our relationships.
Boundaries protect us from others, and others from us. We can think of our boundary system as a “container” for our “self.”
Boundaries do many jobs for us.
In addition to boundaries between ourselves and other people, there is one more very important boundary we need to keep in mind: the boundary between ourselves and God.
God is God. You are not. I am not. Your spouse is not.
For more information about this very important concept, please read The Ultimate Boundary: between the Creator and the Creature.
When we let God be God, we can let ourselves and other people be human.
Do you feel at peace as you discover the difference between yourself and others, as you “contain” your impulses and feelings, and as you accept the other person as he or she really is? Do you find it easier to love when you feel you can protect yourself and need not be afraid?
“Do not fear the reproach of men, nor be afraid of their insults. Is 51:7