Tell Ruth the Truth

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I had an abortion but told my boyfriend that I miscarried.​

Posted on Thursday, April 18, 2019

Yesterday my boyfriend said to me, "I wish I had a chance to just hold my child as he cried."

And he made it worse by saying, "Before you miscarried when I slept I always heard a baby cry. My child was trying to tell me something, maybe we could have done something to save his life."
Oh God I think my child was crying for help to his/her father!
How do I face him crying and continue lying knowing I didn't have a miscarriage?
How do I let him pray for me to find comfort?
How do I listen to him telling me that I will be ok?
How do I spend time with him when I couldn't give his child a chance to feel the love of his father?
How do I watch him hurting?
When he said let's pray together, I couldn't as he said may my precious baby's soul rest in peace as tears rolled down.
What kind of a Monster am I?
I took my baby's life for my own selfish reasons.
I can't cope.
I feel I don't deserve to live.
I cry every night thinking about my baby.
I can't pray.
How do I ask for forgiveness?
Oh God it hurts.
Its hurts so much. I wouldn't even wish someone I hate to experience this hurt.
It's too much.
Planning it is easy.
But after you have done it! Oh God the pain is too much!


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